I deliver today’s message from a space of vulnerability that hasn’t always come easy for me to express. Society, even my personal audience who follows me, pressures men to behave, feel, sense, and show emotion that meet specific criteria as what it means to be a man. I have always felt like I have had a soft and sensitive heart but it was my environment that has hardened the edges often making it hard to let such love flow. From a young age I have been taught to “be tough” and “suck it up.” Crying is for girls. Emotions, yeah those are too. And don’t even think about expressing your insecurities openly to anyone, men don’t do that.
This paradigm has contributed to major issues in men regarding self awareness. If we as men have grown up our entire lives in shame of our thoughts and emotions that make us vulnerable, how are we supposed to know how to express ourselves? If we have been told, and never taught, how are we as men going to be understanding of how to listen to our emotions, sit with them, and let go of the ideals creating such behaviors?
Generation after generation the cycle continues. Sports and other competitive activities promote macho masculinity and further the problem. The only way to parent a boy is to make them be tough, I mean, who wants a sissy little boy? That’s the problem. I’m a sissy little boy.
Yep, I’m as soft as they come. Doesn’t take a whole lot to make me cry. I openly express my feelings in hopes to communicate how I feel. I am honest with my weaknesses and know they have a lot of work. I haven’t always been like this though… In fact, I’m still working on myself to become more self aware of my thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Relationships with my Dad, friends, mentors, coaches, and other influential males have contributed to the walls I have built around my sensitivity.
Now, as a man, I have full reigns on such awareness and am on a life mission to reverse childhood conditioning that has led to present day problems. I do want to thank these men for showing me what they thought was best. Any man figure in my life is only showing me the ropes as did the men in their lives did. No one is to blame for anything. I speak of today’s topic out of love and understanding.
If these men didn’t know any better because that’s what they have been taught, how was I supposed to break the chain?
Thankfully, a lot of fucked up relationships, major insecurities, depression, major injuries, and addictions have led to leaving societies definition of masculinity behind to developing my own sense of self expression in a way that isn’t categorized as femininity or masculinity, its just me.
I feel no shame in telling or showing people emotion, I have nothing to hide. And that’s just it, that’s how the cycle is broken. If you’re a man who is on a journey of self awareness, tell other men about it. Tell other men about your fucked up addictions to porn and how you are finding sobriety. Tell other men how you feel. If you’re lonely, tell someone. If you are sad, tell someone. Be open about your feelings, insecurities, and unresolved emotions, it’s the only way to grow. If you continue to do what you have always done, you will continue to receive what you have always gotten.
On the flip side, ladies, I am by no means validating the actions of men who have consciously or unconsciously projected masculinity in a way that has caused pain.
What I am saying is this, it’s not you, it’s me. It’s us who have to take charge of how we feel and step into the power of expressing these feelings. It is us who are responsible for recognizing our weaknesses. Yes, we are at the helm, but, I do ask this…
If you just want your man to “open up”, “step up,” “commit”, “be vulnerable”, “express his feelings”, or “show more emotion,” treat him like you want him to approach your inner workings, with kindness and an understanding heart. Breaking a lifetime of conditioning isn’t going to happen overnight. I’m not saying stick with your loser boyfriend who will never receive the call to wake the fuck up. If your man, or the man you are dating/pursuing is consciously stepping up to rewrite the rules on his identity as a man, express your patience. If he is is cautious and hesitant about commitment, loving you, and feeling loved, IT’S OK. Let him continue to discover his inner workings to manipulate them in a way that leads to change. There are plenty of men out there doing this that you don’t have to settle for some fuck boy who is too cool, too tough, and too macho to even admit having these feelings.
I will be the first to admit, I have my own problems when it comes to expressing myself as a man. I know I’m not alone when I say I have felt alone. I understand I was never alone in my addictions, lack of self esteem, and feelings of detachment. I openly share how messed up my emotions and feelings were because I know there are many of you out there hiding in your own misery thinking you are the only one feeling how you do. Stop reverting into societies way of fixing problems, your life is too precious to go against what your true nature wants, growth.
My hope is that my words resonate in a way that leads to sparking change. I hope my vulnerability allows you to do the same. Life is too short to be stuck in your ways. This is my call to all the men out there not consciously taking focus on your inner workings, and my friendly reminder to all the men already on the path of self awareness to keep growing.
This is my statement to all the women frustrated by the lack of depth in men, I have been a shallow man too. Deploy the level of patience and understanding that you wish to receive, a good man will discover his value to one day discover yours. If your man has zero interest in working on himself, lose the baggage. Fellas, you too. If your woman continues to project her insecurities toward you without ever seeking the root of the problem, you will be better off alone.
I sure as hell am not perfect, I still find myself acting, feeling, thinking in ways that are rooted from conditioned behaviors. Guys, it’s okay to be jaded, find out why, then find the solution and fix the problem. Ladies, have patience, work on you equally as much as you wish the man you are with does, you will begin to attract the right ones.
I don’t know all the answers. My life is far from perfect and I still say dumb shit to people I love. That’s the beauty of life, everyday we are granted another bank account of opportunities to become better.
The first step is acceptance and understanding.
The second, is action, and that my friends is 100% in your hands.